This Train

This was the theme of our church's annual retreat on beautiful Anvil Island. For me personally, it was a much-needed tonic after a brutal week of on-call pager duty at work (read: sleep deprivation). I figured I would be so tired that I would spend most of the time just sleeping. Actually, I was so glad to be with other people that I was swinging off the rafters on Sat. night! One sister (Linda L.) said she'd never seen me so happy.

On Saturday night, we were all gathered in the chapel, talking about "community". John had asked us what were some of the obstacles to realizing a deeper sense of community at our church. I don't recall everything that was said, but I do remember a few of the conversations.

Lisa raised the issue of trust; obviously trust must be present in order for people to open up the recesses of their soul to another. Can't argue with that! However, two points come to mind: first, trust can only built as we spend time developing an open and honest relationship with one another. Secondly, a measure of risk will always be there; will we allow fear to leave the barriers between us and reduce our relationships to a mere polite superficiality? Are we willing to exercise "risky love"?

Since much of my theology is drawn from Star Trek, the Simpsons and Seinfeld ;-) the latter affords an excellent illustration of what I mean. In one episode, George tells Jerry he wants to say "I love you" to his new girlfriend, but Jerry cautions him: "Well that's a big move, Georgie boy .. are you confident in the I love you return?" "50/50," says George somewhat hesitatingly. "'Cause if you don't get that return, that's a pretty big mozza ball hanging out there!" says Jerry. And so it is with us, we're afraid to open up lest we "don't get that return." Hey, you can't blame people; I know what's like to have a big mozza "hanging out there" and it ain't no fun let me tell you!

On a similar note, Julee described her experience of sharing her struggles with another Christian, and having that person just lightly dismiss it with a simplistic "positive thinking" word of advice. I know exactly what she means. Most people, and that includes Christians, are uncomfortable with "negative" situations ("the bad" and "the ugly", to use John's well-chosen terms) and tend to skirt around them and brush off the concerns with some pious platitude. Ella Wheeler Wilcox once wrote: "Laugh, and the world laughs with you; weep and you weep alone". On the other hand, Paul the apostle wrote, "If one member suffers, everyone suffers with it. If a member is honored, all rejoice with it." (1 Cor. 12:26; NET). Sadly, for many people, Wilcox's observation rings truer for them.

One other factor that my wife observed is that many people in our congregation have enough of a 'social circle' and don't want to open their lives to more people. Others are just passing through with their studies and don't want to invest the time/energy to commit to too many relationships. Not everyone is in search of new relationships like you are, she reminds me. (What she means is that unlike you, most people already have lots of friends.)

In the earlier part of the discussion, it was suggested that we are all little Jesus' to each other and to the world. Ben took issue with this sentiment, and one could clearly see the emotional turmoil as he spoke. Others shared or later confided that they too had problems with the phraseology. Though there was no heated debate in this particular instance, I think this points to another reason why people are afraid to open up to each other: the fear of conflict. We're afraid of getting hurt, so we clam up instead. For me, this incident reminds me that genuine community is not about warm fuzzy feelings and sentimental notions because when our lives intersect, the mix can be rather messy.

Authentic community cannot be manufactured nor disconnected from a wholistic and radical discipleship and dynamic Spirituality, and sound doctrine. With respect to this particular incident, I feel it may have been more helpful to avoid metaphorical language and stick to scriptural terminology. (Though I understand and generally agree with the intent behind the use of that phrase.) For example, we could have spent some time considering the difference between the two Pauline expressions "Christ in you" and "[we/us] in Christ" and the practical implications of these theologically loaded (and rich) phrases. I think a careful study would reveal a dynamic interplay between the individual and corporate as well as the ethical and eschatological dimensions that characterizes Pauline theology.

It seems to me that there are many barriers to overcome if we are to experience genuine community: busyness, fear, cliques, and others. We are reminded that community cannot be produced, but is a process, one that requires cost, commitment, and creativity. And that a community is only as strong and committed as each of the individuals that make up that community; hence the tension between the individual and the communal, as indicated by "Christ in you" and "[we/us] in Christ".

Lastly, sharing the Lord's Supper as a full and festive meal together would have underscored the communal dimensions of church life, as well as the Spirituality of ordinary and everyday life (cooking, eating and drinking and cleaning together). It would have made for an awesome grand finale to wrap up the retreat! Sadly, this blessed opportunity was lost.

And so the retreat ended, filled with many fond memories of happy times of worship, fellowship and fun together, but also a tinge of sadness - knowing that as we return to our separate lives, much of the talk (and practice) of community will be forgotten in the vortex of hectic activities and busy lives. If we are not careful, community can become another buzzword and fad that we spend a lot of time talking the talk without walking the walk.