This Train

My family got together the other day. Wonderful, right? Not when the purpose was to try resolve your parent's on-going conflict (over 30 years now) and work for reconciliation. Not when the final recourse seems to be divorce. Not when you hear in your mom's voice, the pain of being emotionally abused, disrespected and feeling unloved. Not when you hear your dad's lack of trust for your mom, his bitterness, his resentment, and his feeling that nobody appreciates him, how hard he has worked and the hardships he's endured since childhood. Not when you hear all the anger and words that cut and bruise. Not when you can feel the scars in your own soul as memories re-surface in the midst of all the yelling and screaming. Not when you've been through this scenario dozens of times before. Not when it seems hopeless and heading towards a breaking point.

Wonder if there'll be a family Christmas dinner this year ...or ever again ...

God, have you not heard my prayers all these years? I've prayed for peace in their marriage; I've prayed for their eternal salvation. But my mom has a martyr's complex and my dad has no use for God. With my parents getting older each year, I wonder how I shall enjoy eternal bliss if my parents are in eternal torment? Not to worry says one theologian; "God shall wipe away every tear": you won't remember your parents because you'll be too busy worshipping God. Says another: There is no hell, God's just going to annihilate them, so don't worry about them suffering forever.

Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me, right? My dad's parting shot to me when I left was, "You worthless son-of-a-bitch!". Thanks dad for your love, support and words of encouragement.