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Saturday, February 14, 2004

Not Even a Hint 

Joshua Harris, not even a hint: guarding your heart against lust. Multnomah, 2003.

Joshua Harris, best-sellling author of I Kissed Dating Goodbye, tackles a subject that most Christians are uncomfortable talking about: sexual lust. We all struggle with it (male or female, single or married, as Joshua points out), yet it's a taboo subject in most Christian circles. About the only time we talk about it is when some well-known Christian leader makes headlines because of yet another sex scandal.

The first thing that strikes the reader of this book is the author's honesty and vulnerability: he writes as a fellow struggler. Indeed, the book begins with this confession: 'I need this book as much or more than anyone else who will ever read it. I wrote it not because I've "conquered" lust and have a foolproof plan for you to follow; I wrote it because I've experienced God's power to change, and I know He wants you to experience that power too.' Such transparency is refreshing and continues throughout the book. This should encourage all Christians to honestly confront their own struggles in this area.

Secondly, with such a "delicate" subject, Josh is very tactful, neither being shrill and making legalistic pronouncements nor sensationalistic and being unnecessarily explicit. He is not afraid to talk about pornography and masturbation (gulp! the dreaded "M" word) without dragging our minds further into the gutter by going into lurid details.

The ten chapters in the book are divided into three sections:

I will not attempt to give a chapter-by-chapter review of the book; rather, I shall limit myself to just a few main points.

Joshua begins by pointing to three areas where he feels people are misguided in their battle against lust: the wrong standard, the wrong source of power to change, and the wrong motive. He then he proceeds to helpfully clarify what lust is and is not. In particular, I like his quote from John Piper: "Lust is a sexual desire minus honor and holiness" as well as his reminder that "Lust covets the forbidden". (I mention Piper's quote not only because I like it, and because I enjoy his books, but because I think his vision of Christian hedonism is revelant to this). I also appreciated Josh taking the effort to explain some theological truths (e.g. justification and sanctification) that are foundational to a true understanding of our salvation and Christian life. Without this foundation, Christians would be prone to either legalistic moralism or mere pious platitudes. It is very helpful to be reminded that we are called to be free from the bondage of sin into a glorious life of freedom and holiness in Christ - if we walk by the Spirit (Gal. 5:13-14, 22-25).

Part 2 of the book opens with a chapter reminding us that our struggles are common and yet unique to each of us. Here, Josh gives practical advice regarding "lust triggers", such as TV, magazines, music, the Internet, certain places and times of the day, and others. In our sex-saturated society where we are constantly bombarded with images and sounds (e.g. shock radio) that are openly sexual, it is imperative that we learn to identify the danger areas in our lives that can trigger lust and temptation. For example, most Christians waste far too much time watching TV; with all the sleazy crap that's on these days, I've personally stopped watching it. If you think you can "handle" it, well, I think you're fooling yourself. Images (especially for guys) can linger in our minds indefinitely it seems, and can pop up suddenly down the road.

Josh includes a number of excerpts of interviews with both men and women in his book, clearly revealing that both men and women struggle with lust, though perhaps in different ways. In conversations with my oldest son (presently in grade 9), he laments how difficult it is when one is surrounded by sex/trash talk all the time and girls "dress like sluts" (as my wife would put it). It doesn't help when Christian girls (whether obliviously or intentionally) dress and act in the same provactive manner as the unsaved. Then there's MTV videos with pop tarts like Britney Spears and others strutting their stuff. Even movies always seem to include some obligatory eye candy. Yes son, it's tough to be a Christian teenager these days. Yet, it seems that the teen abstinence movement is still making headlines, which is a good thing, though I wonder how many remain true to their pledge.

This leads naturally to the topic of masturbation. Christians who do deal with this taboo subject seem to be divided on this: some think it's an acceptable way to relieve frustrations and temptations, while others think that it is harmful in the long run. Josh takes the latter viewpoint and argues his case well, providing some practical tips to overcome this habit, including his "final piece of advice": namely, "Get married". Of course, his answer is very biblical: "It is better to marry than to burn with lust" (1 Cor. 7:9b; NLT). But if it was only that easy. I know of several Christian brothers who are constantly struggling with the intertwined struggles of loneliness and lust. One brother I know has struggled with this for almost 15 years now, after God saved him from a life of gangs, drugs and sex. Having tasted of the fruit of sexual delight (albeit in a sinful way), this brother faithfully serves the Lord in many capacities, and yet he undergoes fierce battles with lust and temptation. I'm happy to say that other than the occasional lapse into channel surfing, he has not succumbed to renting porn vides, viewing Internet porn, or soliciting prostitutes (some Christians do). I also feel for those who are divorced, who hunger for sexual intimacy they once enjoyed, as well as trying to heal from the pain of a failed relationship. My friend desires to be married, but so far has been unsuccessful at finding the right prospect. So, is he condemned to struggle for another 15 years?! Meanwhile many Christian teens are having their kicks, fooling around in church youth group sleepovers or at camps. Sometimes the frustration and "burning" drives him crazy .. but masturbation is not an option, right?

Second of all, marriage does NOT necessarily spell the end of the habit, as some married folk would confess. In any case, I don't think Josh is to be blamed for his advice to get married (after all, it is scriptural as I said). However, why doesn't God bring an end to the struggles, especially if both marriage and sex within marriage are good gifts for us to enjoy? Why is it so hard for some singles to meet the right marriage partner?

Because sexual material is so prevalent and accessible, the need for mutual help and accountability is vital. Josh gives some good practical suggestions in this regard, especially the need to not just sympathize with, but also to challenge one another ("the wounds of a friend are better than the kisses of an enemy"). In an earlier chapter titled "Half a Poison Pill Won't Kill You", he also gives helpful advice (much of which is common-sense, though it never hurts to be reminded) on discerning your habits that could lead to temptation (like being more selective and serious about what movies you watch). I think most Christians are far too lax about the whole matter of lust and sexual sin. In a reaction to the earlier legalistic strictures of fundamentalism, today's evangelicalism has often been too casual about worldliness and sin.

Anyhow, this review is gettting way too long. Let me close by thanking Josh for writing this book and giving me a helpful tool I can use to initiate conversation with my boys and other Christians. And thanks to Covenant Life Church, where Josh pastors, for sending me a free copy to review. I heartily recommend the book to all Christians; it may not be the last word on the subject, but it can be the first one in getting the conversation going.

Readers may also be interested in these sites, though I've not reviewed them enough to say how good they are (the last one seems geared to men entirely):

Be imitators of God, therefore, as dearly loved children and live a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God. But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God's holy people. Nor should there be obscenity, foolish talk or coarse joking, which are out of place, but rather thanksgiving. For of this you can be sure: No immoral, impure or greedy person--such a man is an idolater--has any inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and of God.
Ephesians 5:1-5; NIV


# posted by jeremiah21 @ 10:36 PM
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