Friday, May 14, 2004
Momentary Melancholy
As I said earlier, I had been quite calm throughout all of this, but today, despair finally claimed me. I don't know. Maybe it was the fact that I had to work from home all this week (and will be doing so indefinitely until I am well again) and I'm getting cabin fever. Maybe I'm starting to think about the pain and anguish my wife, kids, family, and (hopefully some) friends will experience if the worst comes to pass. Maybe I'm looking back at my life and am cursing myself for stupid mistakes, missed opportunities, wasted time and misplaced priorities. Maybe I'm just feeling sorry for myself. I don't know.
Oh God, why? Why now? Why didn't this occur before we adopted our beloved Janelle? Surely, God is loving and merciful and He will spare me, will He not? I love my family too much; I can't bear to think of the sorrow I would leave them with should my life be taken. Please God, have mercy on me!
